As a Human Design projector we fall into the trap of feeling bitter and unworthy, when others don’t recognize our worth. All of a sudden we see that other people get attention and deep down inside it might feel like they earn the laurels that you have been planting all the way. This can be especially frustrating as a coach or guide.
Human Design: Projector, do you want to hang with the “cool” kids?
I realized this pattern within myself and knew I had to change something about it. Because as a projector, we naturally are the guides and we do stand out. We live as observers and sometimes it can feel lonely not to be with the crowd playing around. While they play and have fun, you might find yourself near them, but not as close enough to play with them, because your job at some point IS to be at the roof, observing them all the way.
I’ve spend a lot of my energy trying to fit it, trying to belong to the “cool” kids in the past. It’s exhausting and to be honest, the harder I tried, the less it worked. So when I found out about my energetic blueprint and learned more and more about Human Design, everything made so much sense. I realized that I wasn’t meant to be playing with the crowd. That’s not how my energy works and it’s not how my magic can shine. The trap here is though, that we are so conditioned in our mind, that we judge ourselves for standing out like that. It’s this misconception that we are less than, because the crowd doesn’t invite us to play with them.
This belief lead me to all kinds of coping mechanisms. I’ve never been the kind of person that would chase people’s attention verbally. I always felt icky when I did that, which makes so much sense, because I have a self-projected authority and speak my truth with spoken words. Telling people I want their attention and recognition therefor would be so against my design, that my subconscious mind wouldn’t let me do it. There you can see, that you subconsciously have lived your design already, but some parts are probably also very conditioned. It’s a journey to find these patterns and it takes practice to pay attention.
Set yourself free from unhealthy coping mechanisms
Only just recently I realized that probably my biggest coping mechanism was disordered eating. Even though I’m technically recovered from 10 years of anorexia, I still use eating (or well…NOT eating) as a way to cope with my bitterness. Subconsciously I might still have this belief, that I get attention when I lose weight. The thing is: I do. And that can be a trap, right?
If you have a way of coping with your bitterness, that is harming your body and your health, you definitely have to change that, because it’s such a vicious cycle. While it might give you a attention for a period of time, it can actually make things even worse. People recognize you for something negative and not for the gift you actually have to share. Therefor you might find that you always fall back into this cycle because the actual craving of being recognized for your strength and unique guidance is still not satisfied. And guess what – being recognized for the wrong thing can cause even more bitterness.
When you notice a similar pattern within you, I want to invite you to journal it out. Write down the real cause of your coping mechanism and what you feel like you get from it. Then flip it around and ask yourself how you can satisfy your needs by yourself. Recognize yourself and your own worth. Realize that you are not wired to play around with the crowd all the time. Most likely you wouldn’t like that anyways, because you love your alone time, don’t you?
You are never alone. You are always seen.
Step in Your Magic.